Administrator on September 27th, 2007
Blame and criticism are highly overrated as motivators. You already know this. Think about it. When you spent a lot of time trying to correct someone–an employee, your spouse, your parent, your child, anyone–did it work? When someone was blaming and critical of you, did it work? Like most of us, you probably felt the blaming was unfair or inappropriate. The problem is that blaming and criticism don’t inspire us. If you are sensitive, they make you feel small. There is an answer.
Blaming and criticism arise out of frustration. We see that the behavior of another is not what we want, and so we try to blame it away. As I look back on my careers as a teacher, coach, executive, and consultant I can see all of the times I was ineffective as a critic. Blaming and criticism may serve you as a way of venting your frustration, but they don’t get the job done. The result is continuous struggle and/or removing the person from your sight. We stop talking to our child or spouse. We move the troublesome employee to another department or do our best to avoid them. There is a better way.
We tell ourselves that we tried and that we just couldn’t succeed in getting them to change. The problem, of course, is that we were trying to change the wrong person. In fact, we cannot change other people. We can only change ourselves. Our attempts to change others create frustration, stress, and blaming. Relationships become strained and dysfunctional (meaning “not working”). Yet the answer that we thought was in the other person was within us all along.
You may be skeptical at this point. After all, you had good intentions. You knew what the other person needed to do to be more effective or happier. You were right. They were the problem. Yet, the question is still nagging us. Did criticism and blaming work? Was it effective in producing the result you wanted? Be honest. It didn’t work, did it? This doesn’t mean that you blame yourself. Blaming and criticizing yourself doesn’t work any better. What does work?
When we blame or criticize anyone, including ourselves, we are focused on what we don’t want. All of our emotional energy flows into the negative. Most of what we do and say from a blaming mode actually serves to maintain or worsen the situation. We expect people to misbehave, screw up, or fail in some way. We get so emotionally invested in our judgment of their performance that we start needing for them to fail. Their failures reassure us that we were right. Their failures justify our negative opinion. Our focus on what we don’t want helps us to create what we don’t want.
Their failures justify our image of self as good, intelligent, or competent. An example would be the manager who blames and criticizes the employee who doesn’t perform. He’s failing because there is something wrong with him (lazy, not smart, no discipline). It can’t be me; I’m a competent manager. By convincing ourselves about what is wrong with the other person we prevent ourselves from finding new pathways to reaching them. Our judgment becomes an impenetrable wall that blocks us from seeing any possibilities for success.
When we blame, don’t see the other person as real. We fail to consider their needs and concerns, their view of the world. We resist them as people. Their behavior is inconvenient, painful, or disruptive. It gets in the way of me making my goals. One of the biggest complaints I hear from people in the workplace is the lack of respect and consideration they experience at work. They believe that their managers don’t really care about them.
So, what’s the answer? It’s never easy, but it is possible. First we need a vision. You know what you don’t want. What do you want? If this level of performance is not okay–if this behavior is not okay–what is? Clearly state what you want. Clearly tell people what the vision is. Align yourself with that vision. Do you want a workplace (or any other group you are in) where people are treated with care and respect? Do you want a place where people feel good? Do you want peak performance? Whatever you want, be it. Communicate it clearly. Give people specific positive feedback on how they are succeeding. Offer corrective feedback when people fall short. Ask them what they need. Ask for feedback from them on how you are doing at manifesting your vision. Listen and make changes.
Second, always talk to people with care. Don’t get caught up in the ineffective strategy of thinking people don’t deserve your respect. Offer your help. Do all that you can to create processes and relationships that support them in doing well. If they refuse to do well, find out why. Sometimes in the workplace people refuse to improve or change. Don’t judge them for this. Maybe the job isn’t for them. Maybe this organization is not for them. If you can’t help them to change, see if someone else can. If no one can help them to change, help them to go. Refuse to accept chronic behavior that doesn’t fit with the vision.
At the same time, give lots of specific praise for good work. Constantly reinforce people, and never take good work for granted. What you focus on expands. What we reinforce we strengthen. If we constantly focus on appreciating people for successes, we increase our successes.
Listen to the way people talk to each other. Challenge negative comments that are “normal”. Understand the dissatisfaction that is behind the comment, and help people find appropriate ways to address it. Do not accept negative talk as a way of life.
If you want to transform your workplace (or any group you are a part of), you need to be a visionary. You need to be so into your vision that you live it every day. Mistakes are opportunities to make positive corrections, to help people, and to solve problems. Blaming and criticism are like shooting yourself in the foot. Raise your aim to a higher level. See and encourage the best in people. Believe in their ability to add to this vision. Give them the tools and the feedback to help them. Include them in the vision by listening to them; providing direct, honest communication; and treating people with the utmost care and respect.
| About The Author
William Frank Diedrich is a speaker, executive coach, and the author of Beyond Blaming: Unleashing Power and Passion in People and Organizations. William offers keynotes and workshops on leadership and moving beyond blaming. William also offers a free online newsletter, Transformation Times. Learn more about William at http://noblaming.com.
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Administrator on September 27th, 2007
Every experience that a person has impacts him or her positively or negatively. All of the positive moments most likely enhance our daily motivation. Daily motivation is what enables us to strive to be better people, to work towards goals, and to lead fulfilling lives.
Setting goals:
Many of us set goals for ourselves. In turn, these goals motivate us to work hard to achieve success. Goals drive an individual’s daily motivation. Goals such as getting a Master’s degree, having a high-paying job, getting married, purchasing an expensive car, or mortgaging a home drive a person to succeed. When setting a goal, a person must remember that taking small steps to achieve it helps keep up a positive attitude. It is best not to get overwhelmed with attaining a huge goal quickly; but rather one should take small steps to get it done. The desire to accomplish a goal is what keeps people going, even on bad days.
Attitude:
A positive attitude is a source of daily motivation. Believing that one of your goals is too difficult to achieve will eventually prevent you from achieving it. Having a negative attitude will cause you both internal and external stress. A negative attitude will de-motivate you, and put you on the road to failure. To achieve your goals, you must be able to tell yourself that every goal can be attained with hard work. If you tell yourself that you can do it, chances are that you will. Never underestimate the power of the mind. Daily motivation is all about attitude and outlook.
Religion:
While not all of us are religious, many people who are will agree that religion helps improve daily motivation. Religion can be used as a great motivational tool for people from all walks of life. Religion – no matter what kind – encourages mindfulness and internal motivation. The religious depend on their beliefs to strengthen them mentally.
People often depend on their religion when things are going downhill. Prayer and meditation inspire those who might otherwise turn to drinking, food, or drugs to nurture their spirits. Religion may help some people to be more mentally and physically healthy. Therefore, religion is a positive source of daily motivation.
The desire to live:
Daily motivation also comes in the simple desire to live. Whether children, a job, or money inspires someone to get out of bed in the morning, that person is motivated by something in life.
Even things as simple as nature can motivate someone to maintain a positive attitude about life even when times get hard. A person can take pleasure in nature’s beauty by taking time to smell the roses or listen to the birds sing. Studies show that people who live in warmer climates have a more positive attitude about life in general. These same people also have the tendency to go outside and exercise more often. This exercise brings about a sense of inner peace and positive feelings, thus becoming a daily motivation for many people.
Administrator on September 27th, 2007
Motivation is not a new concept to most of us. We have felt that first burst of enthusiasm. Perhaps it was an ad or news story on TV, an article in a magazine, a chance remark, or an embarrassing moment that brought us that sudden rush of certainty that something needed to be done…could be done. We felt a strong, perhaps overwhelming desire to DO SOMETHING…something that would change what had been or create something new. Often, this is accompanied by a clear and certain knowledge of what to do, how to do, and what the result would be.
Maybe we decided to lose weight, start a business, or write a book. Still bolstered by our reaction to what we had seen, heard, or felt, were certain of success! We would start that exercise program, or open that savings account tomorrow; we would begin writing a chapter a day…tomorrow. No! Tomorrow was too far away! We knew what we wanted and how to get it and we were going to start today!
Nothing could stop us!!
Of course, we know what happened over the next few hours, days, or weeks.
The clear image we had of our success dimmed and blurred; perhaps disappeared all together. The daily exercise routine, became a couple of times a week, and then was dropped all together. We quit making the deposit, or the notebook we bought for writing our great novel suddenly seemed too full of blank pages to ever fill.
The dream ended. If we were lucky, that’s all that happened…it ended. For some, however, it lingered on as one more reminder of all the unfulfilled dreams and became part of our self image. It was another defeat to add to the stack.
So! What happened and how do we change it?
What happened was a combination of life, human nature, and personality or character.
Life supplies us with a constant stream of information, events, and opportunities. It is difficult to keep sight of the goal and the process while maintaining the initial level of motivation which burned so brightly when it was the new kid on the block.
Human nature has defense mechanisms and weaknesses which combine to cause us to lose the fervor we felt…before we begin to become aware of the obstacles in our path. Sadly, an obstacle does not have to be real to be effective. The well-intentioned doubts of friends and family, whether real or imagined, are both equally effective in extinguishing the fires of desire.
As with many things in our lives, our personalities and characters have a great impact on our success or failure in any given situation. Whether they contribute to our success or become obstacles does not, however, define us as failures! It is also important to note that the factors of personality or character which may be in the way are NOT always set in stone and may be altered so that success becomes a more common state.
Ways to maintain motivation keep our dream clear, bright, and fresh after the first giddy rush of elation we felt when we first felt we knew “the answer”. We cannot change life in general, but we can change how we live it and alter the human nature and circumstances which would rob us of success.
1. Write it down: Whatever the goal or dream, commit it to paper. Often, the dream simply becomes harder to see, more difficult to focus on, as new events and factors evolve. Writing it down allows us to refocus and see the goal again as we saw it when it was fresh.
2. Read it: Carry the paper you wrote it on with you. Make an extra copy and put it on your bathroom mirror, another on the refrigerator door. Take it out several times daily and read it…out loud is best, but silently in the bathroom is better than nothing.
3. Revise it: Things change, we grow, we learn. Be real. Having to alter a dream or the process of achieving it is not failure. It is reality.
4. Log it: Make note of what you did to achieve your goal or what you can do tomorrow or next week. Don’t worry about how far you got, or how much you did…just that you did it.
5. Learn it: Study the subject. You don’t have to go back to school for a degree, but regularly delving into the subject will help keep you focused and perhaps give you new ideas to help you on your way.
6. Share it: If you dare, you are the judge. Letting people know what you’re doing, while being aware that they may have a negative view of it, can be motivating.
7. Read about motivation: These few words are not the only ones written on the subject. There are other ideas out there, and a sentence in another article or a book may be the key you need to go farther than you have ever gone before.
The goal is to keep the motivation level somewhere near the level it was when you started.
| About The Author
Donovan Baldwin is a Dallas area writer. He is a graduate of the University of West Florida, a member of Mensa, and retired from the U. S. Army. You can find more insights on motivation and other self-improvement topics at http://web-home.ws/self-improvement/.
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